A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."

He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."

more jokes

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.

The guy asks, "What's in the box?"

The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."

The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"

The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later.

"That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me."

The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.

"Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands.

"South American Blow Job Toad."

"So?" asks the wife.

"So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."

jokes

Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor.

After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?"

Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."